Monday

sSshHh... i have mha own problems in my real life but hey! quite funny coz when i get online, on this forum, while backreading on their topics and posts... hahahaa.. really made big laughs on me... hahaha... if im correct, this is the one that ive been posting before here on mha blog... know what... i didnt and dont do actions actually when i get haterz even before.... why? hahaha.. for what reason ayt! hahaha.. but this time, they're quite funny and interesting... hahaha... with their own started works, sila ngaun ang napi-pissed off! hahahaha.. funny aight?!blaming me that ive been been asking for help to everyone with what they're doing with me and "harapin" ko daw sila... hahahha.. lagapak tawa ko when i read that stupid post... hahahaha... ONE... hindi ko ugali ang magsumbong.. TWO... i dont have to kasi they're too obvious, hindi tanga ang mga taong nakakabsa at nakakamasid sa mga actions nila... no need for me to make sumbong or what... THREE... honestly.. im not good on written anger or fight... basagulera ako since 5 years old as i remember... u wont hear my words coz before that ramdam mo na init ng kamao ko sa mukha mo.. thats me...FOUR...i didnt and dont pay attention sa mga taong mas mababa level sa akin... as my beliefs says, i have my own life and why mind others'....i just stayed calm and iggy them.. but hey! hahahaha... sila sila rin ngaun ang naiinis?! bwahahhahaa.... its good that i have this blog of mine kasi dito lang ako naglalabas ng real feelings ko.. why?! obviously because, i aint go online to look for fights or what...im here coz im bored and i wanna enjoy my life, meeting and mingling with my friends, un lang.. and no other irrelevant reasons...what a funny start of the week thou :D



hmMMm... facing my real life.. hmMm... i still have no idea about what will i do or how to face my problems as of now... im confident that i know somehow i can solve and cope up with this yet i cant find any answers on how to deal with it...i think i still need to think all over and over again...



*puff*

link..

it sounds funny but im kinda feeling down as in ngaun as in NOW... then i was just browsing the net then my eyes captivates me with this video.. actually.. this was already what.. a year ago.. and... it made me smile :) thanks for coldspell for making this .. nakita ko na naman siya after so many months... missin you all guys there! YP


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcoqPEqMfM8

Me... at this moment

My life in a poem
a few pages is not enough
life seemed so happy
when really its been so rough
no one knows the truth
no one knows the lies
no one knows what goes on
no one can here the cries
coz the truth they cant handle
the lies they are soon to believe
something so convincing
something so easy to deceive
life is hard for all
all around people feel pain
sometimes for a moment
sometimes on and off like this rain
some people find it easy to talk
some people find it easy to let go
those girls so damn happy
I may look it although
sometimes life gets you down
sometimes life pushes you around
pulls you right back to the ground
pulls you to the corner without a sound
and that loneliness comes back
when your in a crowded room
and the fake you returns
all too soon
everyone falls in love
with what you are on the outside
when youre not really that person
but its too hard to come out of your hide
so you stay inside
till its too late to come back
the fake has consumed you
life has gone off track
coz soon before you know it
you dont know who you are
when really its all to simple
it all seems so farto pull yourself back out
to let that friend see your tears
let them know the real you
fill them in on your deepest fears
tell them of your past
tell them of that man
the one that created your sadness
the day it all began
tell them of that one night
where you thought you were to die
tell them of that one week
where you wished that he had tried
tell them of that one story
the one that haunts your dreams
the one that is so real
but in your head so it seems
tell them of that person
who believed everything he said
tell them of that on line
my god I wished you were dead
tell that special person
how it felt to feel scared
how it felt to be alone
watch the yelling if you dared
tell them how it feels
to be the only one that knows
how he really treats you
when the door is pulled closed
tell them what he did
what marks he left
on the inside on the outside
and the secrets you kept
tell them about that one guy
who was meant to keep you safe
the one that left you alone
when your heart began to race
the one that was meant to be there
to hear the tears fall
the one that was supposed to catch them
the one who would be there when you call
tell them where he went
tell them how you felt
tell them how the anger built up
and the anger that you dealt
tell that person how she went back
tell them what he did then
tell them how every feeling you have felt
has been written down in pen
tell them why you cant
talk about the truth
tell them why its hard
when you always feel so used
tell them why you laugh
when really you want to cry
tell them why you smile
when it feels like your about to die
tell them how bad it feels
when you see them holding hands
when you see the only person
that is keeping the pain still standing
tell them how it feels
knowing your pillow is the best friend
the one who knows all this stuff
knows how it feels to be at your end
tell them how every night
before you close your eyes
tell them how the pain leaks down
when the music dies
tell them about this
and maybe youll be fine
maybe something will change
maybe you just need time
maybe this s nothing
maybe e its just a phase
maybe it will all be over
in a matter of days
maybe if this poem is read
by someone that cares
maybe they can fix you
maybe theyll be there
maybe they might catch that tear
maybe that pillow will dry out
maybe it will be better
if that person finally finds out
or maybe it wont
and theyll just pretend they saw nothing
and keep moving forward
the fake you they start trusting
maybe if I keep standing still
and watch the world pass my by
maybe then I wont feel pain
maybe then I wont cry
but all I can do is hope
that its all in my fate
that one day it will change
before its too late..

Sometimes it's just so sad you can't talk about it! :(

Look close inside yourself,

Look in your soul,

Your heart,

What does it tell you?

Mine tells me that I love you, that looks don't matter.

I may not be beautiful or pretty on the outside,

But look closer,

Look at me,

Look at me for who I am,

Ugly on the outside,

Gorgeous on the inside,

You say you want someone to love you for who your are.

Stop!

Look at me,

Look at me for you will see,

I'm the one your heart wants, but not the one your mind wants.

Look at me,

Look at me now and hold me tight,

Because I dont know how long I can wait for you to finally realize that we're meant to be.

Just....Just look at me for who I am.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know that it is hard

to start a new life

a lost love cuts deep

cuts deep like a sharp knife

everything was perfect

i thought it was

why did it end

end like everything does

the harder it hurts

the more you feel

this time you know

it is for real

changes are made

life is rough

why does it have to be

so very tough

will things get worse

or will they get better

dont let me live this life forever

take me away

somewhere very far

let my new life

heal my old scar

*smiles*

hmMm... for this day?! whew... sobrang bilis natapos ng isang araw ko ngaun *rolleyes* wondrin why huh ;)) hehehe..well, same as usual.. talked with my friends... and hahaha... ive heard more interesting topics that enlightened me today... hmMm. whatelse.. oh! mha long time long lost mico came back.. hahhaaa.. still the naughty one...walang pinagbagpo siya pa rin ung dating super khulet super katok and super grRrrr :D hahahaa... whatelse.... sa work?! grabe! andaming tao!!! i was too busy and i dont even have voice anymore right now coz i think as i remember i sung almost more than 20 songs this night! whew... hahahaa...


hmMm... ngaun ko lang napansin.. ahihihii, kaya ko pala talagang iwasan si C and K... well, i know this is for the good of everybody... people cant blame with my decisions kasi im happy right now.. i just wish na sila rin... ihave my won reasons why ive decided to quit on everything.. one, for C, kasi hindi siya ung naisip kong siya.. thou i still wanna give him a chance to see me ok... then next with K... hmMm.. well, mejo malalim...im controlling myself not to do anything about this anymore coz i know this wont last... hindi sa ayoko or what.. i just know myself... as of now maybe i have feelings for him but that feeling isnt strong enough for me to fight and stand in the near future...i just know myself kaya habang maaga pa.. :( i miss him, yes.. but that doesnt mea kakainin ko cnabi ko :)



whatelse... oh! to them... wehehehe.. makin mha day complete really! hahahhaa... i know about ur "secret" thread :P bwahahhaa.... sad to say.. "dont do to others what you dont want others do unto you.... " personally that doesnt implies on me pero gusto ko lang sabihin yan sa kanila.. hahahaa... bad honey bad honey! hahaha...i know what you're doing thou... kahit na hindi ko basahin and pansinin ang lahat.. too obvious.. di kapatol patol mga ginagawa ninyo... hahahaa.... natatawa lang ako honestly... para kaung mga batang nawalang ng candy and gustong bawiin, the problem is... ubos na ung candy.. kaya ayun... ngangawa ngawa... galaw ng galaw di mapakali... trying to get everyone's attention and have their candy back again to them.... hahahaha.... high school.... lolz



oH!!! thanks nga pala to that "lyndon" who commented on my post b4.. actually, my first commentor :)) hahaha. thanks and keep on enjoying reading mha life! mwaahh...


ROCK ON GUYS!!! w\O/w

to that bitch!

mhicx.....naalala na naman kita.. and ... know what?! we're just laughing at you... masyado mong pinabababa sarili mo.. and with your attitude, dont you know na walang me gusto sau? as in for real! duh! hahahaha... men just wanna f*ck you and face the reality.... and i hate to say this but... bwahahahahha!!! hindi kita ka-level! and if gusto mo man.. sorry.. we're not even close... look at yourself... physically emotionally mentally.. do u think u deserve to be loved seriously? hahahaha.. you must be joking!



look what's happening with you.... gimmicks? yeah right.... u get f*cked and that all matters with you aight?! hahahaa.. i knew bitches like you and to tell you frankly... the first time i saw ur post... alam ko na amoy mo! you cant deny the fact na umaalingasaw ka :) you cant deny that with your clothes nor make ups.. sad to say ....

still....

ill re-edit this as soon as i get other photos during my stay in Philippines last year.... shayang talaga.. hik!









me and mha loving mareng Kat!! misshuu na mare.... Trinoma Phils Oct 12,2007








me and my friend.. a stolen shot last Oct 14,2007... ang galeng pumose ng foka... hahahaa.... lil bro! ninakaw ko na shot naten! hahahaha

Photos and images by my friends

stolen shots of Mark...


The Fort, Giliggans Market Market Makati Phils. Oct 13,2007

well, as of few people knows that i went to the Philippines last year for 6 days... these were some of the shots that i actually "grab" from my friend's site since i dont have a copy of it... hahaha...

MTC Oct 10-12 Makati,Phils 2007

im asking for those who have photos of mine to please send me your copies.. message me on my online accounts... YO!thanks...

this day...

first, i dont know why but im kinda feeling pity... dont know if i pity myself or pity those people surrounds me... on the otherhand! im kinda happy and enlightened by some people who really has concern and loves me... i really feel that thou there's this certain even on our lives na kung pupuwede lang manapak na lang ng tao para manahimik na ang lahat... still, lumalabas ang mga taong talagang nanjan to calm u down and make u smile... whew!



know the feeling that u wanna do something but you cant.. or you shouldnt be... ang hirap ng nagtitikis ng feelings and words na gustung gusto mo ng ilabas but hindi dapat... where? hmMm... to lots of people... to him, to those fellas on this certain forum...arghh...



to him... u know i love you... oh! mali.. hindi mo pala alam yun... coz if u do... you wont bother asking me questions na parang gusto mong palabasin that you dont trust me andyou dont believe me... one trait that i hate most.... erRrr... and oh! i miss you... and thats true.. but... :)


to those few persons that wala ng magawa sa buhay nila.... bwahahahhaa!! you're just making people laugh most especially me.. thru your actions and gestures masyado ninyong pinahahalata laman ng utak niyo... hahaha! hangin!somebody even told this.. "envy is a sin" hahahaha.... and obviously naghahanap kayo ng kakampi and ang point dun... hahahaa, puros mga newbies nahuhugot niyo coz madali silang mabola... you just cant admit that people who really sees reality eh hindi niyo masama sa kaimmature-an niyo coz sino mapapahiya?! hahahaa.... you know yourselves.. and i pity you all...and oh.. sorry if hindi ko pinapansin mga posts niyo.. know what?! hindi ako nagiinternet at nagfoforumus adiktus just to pay my precious attention on ur works.. hahaha.... advice.. look infront of the mirror before u post somethin on net... baka magkaidea pa kau ng may "essence" hahahaha



oh.. to my friends online.. lalo na sa mga taong still knows "khaye garcia" thanks for everything, the images... stolen shots while im still in the Philippines kahit na mukha na akong ogag and anga... hahaha... thats the real me and whoah! accept that peepz!

3 months before my bday ;)

well, what can i say about this day or past things that happenned a week or more on me... hmMm..let's see... 2 days ago,i thought we' re gonna be fine with this special guy of mine...he's soOo sweet,he's a hunk,jolly,straight forward and oh...i felt that he really just cares about me.. unfortunately... maybe i just have to end it right now coz i dont wanna continue a relationship where "trust" isnt existing...ayoko yung every minute na lang parang it seems like all i have to do is explain to him everything na nauubos oras namin sa ganon...as this moment im already missing him but there's some part in my mind that tells me that if ever im gonna fight for this feelings for him, ganon rin... lagi rin lang kaming magdidiskusyon, magpapaliwanagan, pabalik balik sa mga issues etc... so habang maaga pa, id rather stop this... maybe we just dont deserve each other... or we just dont know each other that well kasi nga hindi pa naman kami ganoon katagal magkakilala... still.... im missing him



another thing about this past few days/weeks i guess...upon browsing some of my accounts online,there's this site that.. hmMm.. kinda stinks... oh! did i just tell "stinks" hahaha.. well its just like this... of all sites that ive been active or visible... nakakatuwa itong site na 'to pwamis!hahaha.. ive met some of the members on this site last year actually... and i told them or should i say that they knew that of all the people on net that ive met in person last Oct... they're the ones that i felt true.. hindi plastik and i really had fun kahit pa sabihin nating hindi ganon katagal ang EB that time.. but this time, lately... on some posts of other members on that board, thou hindi directly na tinutukoy ung blind item nila obviously naninira sila patalikod... mga tao nga naman.... haaaayyzz... people who doesnt even know what real things are and things that real and actually happenned eh just jumps into conclusion and making intrigue about that... well, feeling sikat naman ako at pinaguusapan na pala ako behind my back knowing the fact that im being true to them...worse,mali pa sila ng speculations lmao.... hahahhaa... well, i dont have to say anything about it kasi sila lang naman nagiisip and nagpaparinig rinig ng mga ganon eh.. hahaha... if they're happy to do those kiddie stuffs, fine! dun sila.. basta ako... di ko ugali manira ng tao.. for what? fame? duh! hahaha..attention? hahaha... di naman nakakaalis or nakakabawas ng boredom ang chismis :)) hahahaha.... if someone has a problem with me, they can come upfront me hindi ung pakitang tao sila sa harap ko then pagtalikod ko pala eh kung anu ano na ginagawa at pinagsasabi.. cowardness isnt lovable!

i wanna take this opportunity to thank those people who really and still stands for me...people who really trusts and believes in me.. people who really cares and loves me... for them that always there for mw no matter what and still says, everythings gonna be ok... thanks sa inyo!

It's Thursday!

couldnt imagine how happy and a bit upset today....know why?! hmMm... lemme start this... i have this guy... we've met well more than half a year already...we're not dating or what but simply just "friends"... we've been sharing lots of each other for past months and we know that we have this "thing" for both of us... we're not denying that... the problem is.... we coudn't say directly how we really for each other... example, the "love" most normally we say towards someone we really care about... sometimes i have this feelings that he aint serious at all... or he's just shy or afraid or i dont know coz i cant hear him say that he love me... we always there for each other... shares lots of our thoughts... sometimes,mha moodness enters but he still there and guide me and gives me caring advices etc... but still....i just dont understand why some guys were like that... is he really that gentleman?does he really cares for me? or... do we really have this special feelings towards each other.. i keep on telling people that i have no intimate partner as of now coz i cant say that im already committed with him thou my hearts keeps on beating while he's around coz i cant get an assurance from him.. erRr.. i hate this! im picking my own answers to my own questions coz he aint talking at all about his feelings for me... well, we've just talked a while ago... and still the answers left unspoken... i got irritated and again asked him about what our real score is... know what he told me?! erRr

"know what hon,even if you wont hear me say " I Love You! " to you.. that doesnt mean you're not special for me...in fact i am and i care for you so much... i dont want you to get hurt... im just being carefull...madali lang sabihin ang " I Love You Hon " pero ayokong sabihin lang yun sau.. i wanna prove it... " ~ Kaye Tanedo

thats why im not sure if that means we're fine or kami na.... ang hirap... feeling ko nagaassume lang ako... feeling ko hindi lang talaga niya ako gusto.... feeling ko......

ah ewan! kakalito mga lalaki!

i even told him that im upset and dissappointed sa mga narinig ko from him... that i dont know if im happy or not coz of that...then he thought of what ive said... im gonna lie low of him,set him already aside... erRr! i dont know what to say and do or what... im troubled... but afterwards... i still have goosebumps while we're talking ::) hahaha... ang gulo noh!

whatta'day!!!

.... ganda ng araw ko!!! yahoO!!!!

first... ive talked with two of the people closest to my heart last night and today...

second.... walang makuletz

third....ive got my mom's xmas card for me

and lastly.... im happy lang talaga kasi matutulog na ako ulet.... getting ready for another working day mamya... haaaaayyzz....





laterzzz blogmwah :*

HOLIDAYS

well, ive recieved the christmas card my mom has been asking me almost everytime she calls me...kesyo natanggap ko na raw ba... kesyo siguro malapit ng dumating etc... and hey! i got it just now.. upon opening and reading the card... well... parang tinamaan ako sa mga words na ginamit ng nanay ko.. hahaha... i grew up with my grandmom since i was born and my mom that time was busy with her work overseas... we havent got the chance to get closer talaga.. kahit nung maliliit pa lang kami ng ate and kuya ko.... but that card from my mom melted my heart... erRrRr.... gonna re-typed what that card says in here...

To a Dear Daughter

watching you grow,

sharing your life,

and just having you

for my daughter

has brought me

more joy and pride

and more happiness

than you could ever know...

reading the cover of that card... whew! sabi ko sa sarili ko.. me balak ata akong paiyakin ng nanay ko ah! grRrRr....we weren't that open emotionally talaga kasi ng mom ko... para kaming aso't pusa.. im the favoured one kasi sa family.. im the youngest... which... noon siya ang star ng family kasi unica hija siya ng mommy ( grandmom ) ko....so.. lahat ng luho ko,anything.... bigay todo lahat ng familia.... na laging sinasalungat ng mom ko kaya hindi kami talaga close.... sa loob ng card...

Hon,

I may not be a perfect mother to you, but always bear in your mind and heart that " I Love You " my dear daugher. I'll be always on your side...

Merry, Merry X'mas!! An a very Happy New Year!!!

Regards to everyone there!!!

Lovemost,

mama

so simple right.... straight!! yet... made my teardropps fell.... ive been living independently maybe for a couple of years already and during those times... i know and i can feel.... mas maganda yung ganito... mas nagiging open mom ko sa akin thou minsan exagge na... but all i can say.... between my childhood years and now.... i love my life now!! my family... my friends... people who knows me and still accepts me thru my worst moods thru anything.... whew!!!2008.... wishing for a good start.... :*

Yuletide '07

For you honey,

You are a precious gift

Heaven especially sent to us.

We thank you for filling our lives

With love and joy and meaning.

May you find perpetual happiness,

Immeasurable peace

And unending prosperity

Not only this Christmas

But the whole year through.

Have a wonderful Christmas.

lovelots,

mama

erRrRr..paiyakin talaga ako ng nanay ko.... CUT!

January 3,2008....whew!!!i just woke up from my bed and already thinking.... erRrRr " may pasok na ako mamaya ulet!" haaaaaayyzzz..... holiday vacation's over... what did i do for 3 days? nothin! lol..... starting today... my real year 2008 starts..... whew!


anyways... what happenned on me?! well... i have the mood of depressed and hatred .... so down and KAINISSSSS..... ang aga aga... yesterday's incidents' still on mha head... know what?! grRrRr...


well, there is this forum that im loving to stay and make "tambay"... then yesterday... actually.. i have been posting their names as love teams of that board, i have no idea really if there's real or big thing going with them personally and in real life but...ive posted their names as a loveteam... my post doesnt really intends on something... well, that guy has or had been heard of rumours that he had an ex gf on the board and as far as i can see... as people or members there reacts and posts etc...wala na talaga sila.. so,new love team.. new posts.... thats all ive been thinking...its my fault ive posted other woman's name rather that pairing that guy with his ex gf.... but hey!!!ex means past gf and i have no idea about other people's life in real life... i was just enjoying posting etc....but then.. all of a sudden... that guy sent me a pm @ ym... at first it was just a plain hi and hello and all that but then, he asked about that thing that ive posted... ive posted there that its better to pair that guy with another girl not to his ex gf but new one because it looks good to see them together on pix... but the guy thought ive seen something... pictures of him together with that girl ( i think that the guy and his ex were already arguing about that in private ) well, according to that guy.. there were some rumours that has been spreading inside that forums and he doesnt know any of it.... well, more on me! i know nothing about that either!! as if i care.... i have seen nothing and i know nothing.. all ive posted was whati thought and saw between that guy and that girl on that forum.. but the guy thinks i know something... errRr... if there's some "things" going on with them.. i dont know... pinost ko lang na bagay sila based on the pictures that ive seen.. not because ive seen them together or what....like what rumours said... ni hindi ko nga narinig ung mga ganong rumours coz people who knows me really... dont share gossips about other members life on me...i have my own and they know na wala akong paki sa chismis ng ibang tao... wtf! and then sa akin ibubunton galit nung guy sa mga naninismis sa kanila....gosh!he doesnt barely know me to accuse me on something na hindi clear sa kaniya... i understand na namissunderstood niya or nila malamang the way ive posted there but hey!!! the time when he asked me about that post of mine.. ive answered him directly na un ang naiisip ko hindi dahil sa may nakita akong picture nilang dalawa nung girl gaya ng nakakalat na chismis daw sa kanila ( na hindi ko alam ) and the guy said... when he asked me daw.. puro emoticons ang sinasagot ko! duh!!!!!! sa lahat ng nakakakilala sa akin.... people knows me na mahilig talaga sa mga smilies/emoticons.... sa lahat ng posts/replies ko meron at merong emoticons yan... on some forums where i have also an account...even admins/ceo's makes me my own character smilies there kasi alam nilang i like or should i say i love smilies and emoticons so hindi dapat gagawing issue ang mga smilies na pinopost or nirereply ko... but to that guy..... he concluded and judged me with those smilies... thou fyi, kasama ng mga smilies na yun ang pagsagot ko sa tanong niya.... erRrRr



anyways..........thats it! at this time of day ( Jan 3,2008...11:10 in the morning ) thats all in my thoughts!!! have a gud day everyone!!! mwaaahh :*